Warlock Powers are Free*

While I was working on my 10 Rules, people kept having issues with rule #5. The rule is a claim that warlocks should be much more common in the world since the only requirement to become one is being capable of agreeing to a contract. I've talked about this matter once before, but due to all the arguments I've had over the last week on the topic, I was forced to reexamine my views. And my dear viewers, things can be so much worse than what I've envisioned back when I wrote a prequel to this article.

Let's begin with a question: Have you read all of the Terms and Conditions that you've agreed to in your entire life? Were all of these readings thorough enough to allow you to understand them all? If you haven't, do you have a friend who did? I personally will admit that I haven't. In fact, I have yet to meet a person who would with confidence tell me they did. We keep doing this so often without a second thought, but why? Because it would take too much effort, and because this way it's... much more convenient.

How to Be a Good Patron?

Let's do a thought experiment, and imagine that you are an otherworldly warlock patron. Let's imagine that making plenty of pacts is good for you. How do you get a lot of people to sign your deals?

Hint: The answer is not offering them a lot of power. In fact, too much power will make them even more suspicious. Even worse is the fact that not everyone is power-hungry. Some people are okay leading small, relatively insignificant, simple lives. And there's no shame in that.

First thing first, you should consider rebranding yourself. I mean, you can lie, right? If you can't, you'll have a harder time making lots of pacts (though it's not impossible). Instead of presenting yourself as Asmodeus, the lord of Nine Layers of Hells, maybe highlight your positive characteristics to those interested in serving you. Repeat after me: "I am a chief management officer of a multi-level organization localized on an outer plane, specializing in providing contractual services." It's all a matter of perspective, only extremely desperate would sign a contract with you if you introduced yourself as a lord of Nine Hells.

Similarly, present your personal values in a positive way. One of them should definitely be "making the world a better place". Other classical values can be any of the following: loyalty, expanding opportunities, progress, satisfaction, fulfillment of visions, etc. Feel free to be vague about these.

For the love of everything that's dear to you, don't intimidate them. That sort of reputation either spreads like a wildfire or keeps building up over the years until someone smears your public image with many witnesses you've wronged over the years. Intimidation might seem like a good thing at the moment, but trust me—it's not.

Can any of you tell me what he's doing wrong? It's multiple things. Present yourself in your best possible form to your warlocks, not just any old robe you find laying around in your home. Please, cover your chest if there's blood flowing out of it. And most importantly, please keep your contracts tidy. You can cast prestidigitation for a reason, it's not that hard, and a clean readable contract will make you seem much more trustworthy than a blood-oozing bunch of squiggles.
Jokes aside though, this is cool art. Art is for the Blood Scrivener MtG card by Peter Mohrbacher.

Make the cost of your powers something that's barely known to your warlocks. A traditional example is their soul, but if the public is too well informed about the details of that, this might prove to be a problem. Perhaps it could be perceiving the world through their senses or access to their thoughts and memories. Maybe an occasional "job opportunity", through which they could earn a small extra (for example a monetary reward) for performing a little service for you. 

Make sure that your contract is barely comprehensible to a mere mortal mind on a first read-through. Maybe show it to some acquaintances you trust, or try some A/B Testing until you nail down a contract that has the highest chance of being signed.

Present your powers as free. The only thing necessary to do is to sign a contract after all. You don't need to inform them of the details in the contract, you could just give them some legalese brief description of the cost that makes the contract seem like a good thing.

Make your powers seem like a convenience. Previously, I've said that not many people are power-hungry. Honestly, you don't want to even target that demographic in the first place, since they will sooner or later seek a way to overthrow and replace you. Instead, seek people motivated by comfort and ease of life. Convince them that they want these powers, because they'll make their lives so much easier. Why bother standing up and grabbing a mug of ale, when you could just mage hand it right to you? Make cleaning the floors, clothes, dishes, and anything else a breeze with prestidigitation, or automate it with an unseen servant. Get yourself a pair of the Eyes of the Runekeeper, and you will never need to bother studying different written languages ever again.

Building a community is a major step towards improving your approach. Let your warlocks recommend you to their friends, and encourage them to recommend you to their friends too! Who wouldn't want this community to grow, letting more folk join in and share their experiences, teaching each other how to grow and develop together?

Networking! What a buzzword to use, but it's so true. Get into deals with small villages, magic schools, noble families, guilds and so many more. Keeping up good relationships is a great boost for your public image too.

How to be a Great Patron?

You know, I feel like you already knew all of this. For all I know, you might be presenting yourself to the people as a non-divine saint with a small cult following that keeps bringing more and more people even after you've stopped contacting people on your own. "Yeah yeah, just sign this contract, it's all fine. I and all my buddies did, and that's how we got these cool powers!" But… I think you're looking for something more. You want to really step up your warlock-hiring game. Let me present you with the following mantra that I came up with.

"A good patron makes their powers seem free. A great patron makes their powers seem like a privilege."

If you wish to get people interested in your powers even if they don't need them, make them seem scarce. If too many people are asking for your powers, ask them to send you a resume with a brief description of their life history. Invite them over for an interview. Ask them all the classical stuff: strengths and weaknesses, expected uses of these powers, their personal values, etc. If you don't find them worthy, tell them so. If you wish to actually bestow them with warlock powers, privately send them tips on the areas they could improve in. Remember: you want this contract, but so do they if they go through all this work. They'll see the powers themselves as a reward, not as something they have to pay for.

As a final step, advertise yourself. Recall how I said that you should make them want these powers? Forget that. Convince them that they need these powers. If you're big enough, they'll see them all around themselves anyway. Highlight how these powers make your life easier, and the many benefits of their use. They can save your time, letting you spend more of it on things that matter to you: your family, your friends, the pursuit of your true passions, or even improving the world one small bit at a time.

Maybe even mention the potential of earning money using these powers. While the studied wizards and faithful clerics have more potential to use their spells instantaneously, your strength lies in this potential replenishing faster. You just need to keep yourself relaxed on your job all the time, and you'll get all of your potential back within an hour. I mean, would you rather spend years studying wizardry, and spend even more time afterward by hunting spells for your spellbook? That whole thing is awfully expensive. Imagine if your job was to literally stay relaxed until customers come in. Hey, maybe you could even manage to do this 8 hours a day, seven days a week, four weeks a month, twelve months a year.

Internet folks love lists, so here's everything compiled into two neat lists, free of charge!

Good Patron list:

• Rebrand yourself in a positive light
• Present your personal values positively
• Don't intimidate people interested in your offer
• Make the cost practically imperceptible
• Use legalese on your contract
• Present your powers as free
• Target the comfort-oriented demographic, not the power-hungry or a desperate one
• Build a community and network

Great Patron List

• Bestow your powers only upon those who deserve them
• Convince them they need the convenience of your powers
• Let them know of the money-making potential

Thank you for reading, have a nice day, and best of luck hiring your new warlocks and expanding your very own Eldritch Community.

P.S.: You can also choose not to follow any of this and be a bad patron. But beware, for that is a way to only get the most desperate and power-hungry of the warlocks to sign contracts with you, only to hate you for the rest of their lives.